My non-physical scars lasted longer. 

I didn’t have any black eyes or bruises to prove it. That’s why no-one noticed it. Everyone thought I was alright, even though they felt something wasn’t. They never dug deeper because I didn’t have any physical marks.

I saw the red lights when we met, but I was pushed to give him a chance and compromise as I was already hitting 30. So I listened and chose to be blind to the red lights and many warning attempts from some people to stay away from him. Understanding the environment he grew up in, I thought that with a little (or a lot) of love I will help him, I would take his pain away, “I will change him, I will heal him”. “Love was all he needed.” Never did I think it would be me needing to heal because him. 

I was another player in his game. He immediately sensed me being an empath, as he was an expert in this already after three women before me. He shook the stable ground I walked upon and he did it with a smile.

It was hard to recognise I was abused because I didn’t have a black eye. But, I lost my self-esteem, doubted myself and my perception of reality.

I was manipulated, humiliated, mocked, controlled, blamed, threatened, confused. Nothing I said was right, nothing I did was acceptable. I was disrespected, made to feel it was all in my mind and that I was just ‘LOSING IT” all the time.

He promised me the stars and delivered only darkness. He said he loved me but, at the same time, was disgusted by me, denied me and was eager to change me from head to toe. I was always the one out of line, it was always my fault, it was all in my head. While he was the sensible, responsible, mature, calm and grounded person, he made out that it was me who was the unstable one. 

He took everything I had; he changed my mindset. He didn’t believe in me hence I stopped believing in me too. He brainwashed me so well I no longer trusted myself, my beliefs, my feelings, or thoughts. Instead, craziness and confusion became my normality.

Everything I’ve done in my life ceased to exist. Me, who finished high school, who spoke in-front of diverse groups on a daily basis, who was enrusted with leading soldiers during my army service and afterwards. Me, who was appreciated for (surprisingly hidden) skills, knowledge, and leadership. The me, who graduated from university with a high distinction. The me, who lived in China for a while. The me who is fluent in 3 languages. The me who decided to chase her sweet dream and become a professional pastry chef and chocolatier. The me who worked (long hours) in the biggest kitchen in Australia. 

All of a sudden I was gone. Because, you see, if I was allowed to just be me, that would have made him less next to me and that just couldn’t be and so, I ceased to be.

I felt trapped, and couldn’t bear the relationship anymore. I threatened to leave many times but was also very scared to do so and so, the cycle repeated itself until one day I was DONE.

I got pregnant. I knew something had to change from now on and it wouldn’t be him. I knew this pregnancy didn’t just magically happen suddenly, and that this baby was made to save me and him. And so I went back home, establishing a new life (once again) on my own.

The abuse did not stop there. He was (still) very good at brainwashing even miles away. I was done once again when my little one was 9 months old. I saw those little eyes looking at me and decided to push towards that mindset change.  Every day that passed I became a little bit stronger.

My non-physical scars took longer to heal than any black eye. They WEREN’T my fault, but healing from them was and still IS my responsibility.

If you can relate to my story (which I share with THREE other women who were with the same abusive man), I want you to know YOU ARE NOT ALONE. IT IS NEVER OK TO TOLERATE ANY SORT OF ABUSE. 

It takes strength and a lot of courage to leave an abusive relationship. It is the first step in taking control of your own life. Step by step, day by day you will feel confident, rebuild your self-esteem, you will be able to think clearly and make your own daily decisions. No matter how big or small a step, each you’ll take should be celebrated and taken pride in. It is a healing journey, which may be long, but it is POSSIBLE and very much WORTH IT!

I stand TALL and PROUD with many violence survivors of any kind, who chose to THRIVE from their past.

Yours, Gal.

We collectively honour the significance of today at MN, along with every woman (including Gal) who has had the courage to speak up, to reach out.  We acknowledge every woman who is still suffering and pray that she receives the love and support she needs.  As Gal said, you are not alone – if experiencing domestic violence of any type, know that it’s never ok and that the below crisis services exist to support you.  If you or your children are immediate danger call 000 for emergency services (in Australia, but please seek local services or call your local emergency number):

1800RESPECT – 1800 737 732 – to access 24/7 counselling and support

Lifeline – 13 11 14 – 24/7 – national number which can help put you in contact with a crisis service in your state

https://www.servicesaustralia.gov.au/most-useful-information-for-domestic-violence for further information on domestic violence and resources.

If you’re now safe and healing but need someone to speak to – click here to book a session with Gal today.