New mothers have lots to navigate. Postpartum bodies, sleep deprivation, a full mental load, and well…. keeping a tiny human alive. As you start to feel comfortable enough to venture out into the world with your newborn, you will receive all sorts of attention. People will walk past, peep into the pram and coo at your little bundle. You might beam with pride, or even feel a little anxious with the extra attention. One thing that most parents will experience, is baby/parenting “advice”. Whilst advice is mostly always given with the best intentions, it may not always be received that way.
As a new mother/parent, you might feel your way through motherhood/parenthood. You might ask your own mother for advice, a GP, or belong to a Mother’s Group wherein tips and guidance are shared. Information for nappy rash, reflux, breast-feeding or even behavioural concerns may be explored, and discussed. The advice you choose to take on board, is completely up to you.
Of the advice given to me over the years, the two most common ones were, ‘enjoy every moment’, and ‘sleep when the baby sleeps’. My intention was to enjoy EVERYTHING about my new role, and sleep, what was sleep? The truth though, was a far cry from enjoying every moment. While this sentiment bounced around in my head, it also came with lots of guilt when things were not working out as I had imagined. Like when one of my children weren’t sleeping well, going through developmental milestones, or when they were going through what seemed like endless tantrums, for no reason at all. There were some really trying, and exhausting moments, which I did not love. How was I supposed to enjoy every moment, when not every moment was enjoyable? Also, I couldn’t possibly nap when my kids did, because I had so much home and work stuff to catch up on. Through all of this, my mind was filled with uncertainty, love, anguish, admiration for my little humans, frustration, guilt, and so much more. Sharing my pain with someone, always helped. Seeking support, or even a set of ears really did help in those moments I thought I was drowning.
Yes – there are so many magical moments to enjoy through motherhood, yet it is also perfectly normal to feel annoyed, frustrated or even angry. Reaching out and chatting to someone, is always a great way to normalise how you are feeling. So, the only advice I will pass on, is to check in with someone about how things are going for you. Talk about the hardships, share the experiences and know that you are not alone.
Artemis Lialios
(Counsellor)
Can you relate? Need some support? Click here to book your session with Artemis today…