It’s easy to lose touch with ourselves when we’re absorbed in raising children – we get pulled in so many directions away from our self that eventually our whole identity becomes wrapped up in ‘being a mum’ and we forget who we really are. The truth is however, we are not ‘just mums’, nor are we our body, our thoughts, or any of the other various roles we might normally identify with in daily life – who we are is much deeper.  Staying connected to the deeper part of ourself is one of the best things we can do, not only for ourself, but for our children too. Here’s some ways to stay connected to yourself:

Make time for Silence

Time spent in silence is never wasted – it is deeply nourishing, healing, clearing and energising. Sitting meditation is great, but I know it’s not for everyone, so even just five or ten minutes of mindfulness, conscious breathing or relaxation, creating space for yourself free from screens and screaming children (if possible), can do wonders for your spirit. The more time you spend resting quietly in the background connecting with yourself, the better you will get to know yourself, and the more you know yourself, the clearer things will become.

Feel your feelings

Don’t be afraid to feel something – avoidance of uncomfortable or painful feelings only intensifies them, contributing to the decline of mental, physical and spiritual wellbeing, as well as taking you further away from yourself. Feeling is essential for healing and wellbeing – plus, how well you hold the space for yourself to feel your feelings will determine how well you are able to hold the space for your children when they are going through something difficult.

Have compassion for yourself

You’re not always going to get it right and that’s ok…none of us are perfect. Learning how to have compassion, kindness and unconditional love for yourself regardless of your flaws is fundamental to having a healthy relationship with yourself. There’s a beautiful mindfulness meditation called ‘RAIN’ that helps to cultivate self compassion. It involves firstly ‘RECOGNISING’ when you’re in pain or hooked and taking a moment to name whatever it is you’re feeling, whether it be anxiety, guilt, self doubt, inadequacy, anger, sadness, etc. The second part involves ‘ALLOWING’ it, putting down the struggle and just letting it be without trying to change it. Followed by ‘INVESTIGATE’,  noticing the sensations in your body and where you may be contracted, as well as becoming aware of the storyline that is attached to it. Then finally, ‘NURTURE’, expressing the same love and compassion to yourself that you would to your own children if they were having a similar experience – words of kindness, forgiveness and understanding, calming breaths, sending consciousness to the parts of you that are hurting, deep rest and accepting yourself fully, just as you are.   

Learn to let go

Learning to let go and surrender to life’s flow, rather than constantly swimming against the current in an attempt to control everything around you, will not only save energy and your sanity, but will also help to keep you anchored in the present moment. Naturally we want solid ground under our feet, but the reality is, the ground is always shifting – all we can do is relax into it and focus on becoming more solid within ourselves. Let go of any preconceived ideas or expectations you have about the kind of mother you thought you would be and just be. 

Keep doing the things you love 

Being a Mum doesn’t mean you have to stop doing the things that you enjoy. Whatever is is that stirs your soul, whether it’s reading books, spending time in nature, playing an instrument, or creating, keep doing it. Never stop dreaming or believing in yourself – having a purpose in life and taking part in meaningful activities that you love is essential to self fulfilment and keeping your inner light shining bright. 

Listen to your body

Our body is always communicating with us – particularly as Mums, it’s so important that we listen to what it’s trying to tell us and be guided by that. So many of us forget we even have a body until it’s too late and we’re completely exhausted, overwhelmed or sick. Movement is a great way to connect to your body –  practice yoga, go for a walk, or even just dance in the lounge room with the kids – whatever you do, do it mindfully. Feel it, embody it and enjoy it. If your body says stop and rest, honour that (if possible). 

Trust your intuition

There’s a lot of noise around parenting – friends, family and society love to give mothers advice on how to raise their children, but only you know what’s best for your kids. Trust your choices, as long as you are parenting from your heart and it feels right, how can you go wrong? Be your own kind of Mum and stay true yourself!

It may feel at times like you have lost yourself in the midst of motherhood, but be assured you can never lose yourself – your true self is always there in the background, unchanging, waiting to be rediscovered at any moment. If you’d like more guidance, please reach out, I’d love to help you get back home to yourself!

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