When I reflect on my early days of mothering, I fondly remember my natural-coloured hair, minus the greys and my bathroom mirror giving a much better reflection than today. I also remember the overwhelming feeling of love that I had for my precious baby boy and the overwhelming feeling of not knowing what I was doing and how I could possibly be responsible for this little person. But I was! As sleep deprived as I was, I muddled my way through what was one of the most challenging 12 months of my life. Why didn’t anyone tell me that even though I had a little companion that these would be the loneliest days. That the simplest of tasks would take forever or not happen at all and that most certainly included showering. My boobs!!!! What was the deal with those?!?! How did some women just start feeding mid conversation without me even noticing what was going on? I may as well have taken out an ad when I tried to feed in public for the couple of people who didn’t get to see anything. Breast pumps???? I was still getting over the fact that I had lost all dignity in the delivery room, now I was pumping milk out of my breast!!! So many changes, so quickly, on so many levels. I wish I heard more of ‘that is normal’ and more stories of other mother’s trials and errors. I didn’t want to be told that I was wrapping my baby wrong, (I could wrap my baby very well) or that the house should be quiet when he sleeps and so on. I just wanted to hear someone say, you’ve got this, you’re doing a great job! You’re in the thick of it. To anyone reading this, you’ve got this and you’re doing a great job! 

 One thing that is consistent from birth and with all children, (I now have three, my eldest is 15) is some days you are all over parenting, you might even quietly acknowledge yourself for being pretty good. Then BANG!!! One of them will throw a curveball in the mix and bring you back down to reality. Suddenly you are hit with something new and unknown. I have learnt the art of sleeping on everything. Nothing is as bad as you thought it was the next morning. 

 The journey of mothering is so different for everyone. We all have different circumstances and challenges that shape who we are not only as individuals but also as mothers. My early years were lonely. I lived away from my close family and friends. My husband had opened a new business and worked seven days a week. I had no connections in my area. I’m a very sociable person and found the isolation so difficult. This is very common and very normal, but I didn’t know that. It’s also very common for mothers to sob uncontrollably in the shower when it’s all just too much. Nothing prepares you for the roller coaster of a ride that mothering is. We all have different stories and experiences. That simply is the beauty of life. The power to share those experiences and stories with no expectations and judgements is truly healing and a gift that we should all be privileged to receive. 

If you ever want to share, reach out, I’m always here to listen without judgement and always with the deepest empathy and reverence.

Louise x